I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
