oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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