So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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