the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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