I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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