Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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