if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
