dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
