you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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