I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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