if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
