I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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