I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
