I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
