just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
