i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
