I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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