one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
