FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
