We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
