I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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