I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
