It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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