you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
