I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Randomize
