There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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