I just made out with a guy for $7.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
