Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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