if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
