Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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