Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
