Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
