Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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