ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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