do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
