We won't sleep together?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
