I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
