Betty ford says i'm here all night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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