tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3pm strippers are depressing
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize