So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
sarcasm needs its own font
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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