so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
