Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would fuck him just for his dog
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize