You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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