Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
