i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
