So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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