i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
