At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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