Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
