im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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