I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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