do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
