haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
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I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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