Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
