3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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