remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
