it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
