I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
