I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's blow job season.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
