you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
