The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
