Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize