I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
do herpes really smell.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
