Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
