im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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